These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour ________________________________________ __________ Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
________________________________________ __________ Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA ) A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
________________________________________ __________ Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
________________________________________ __________ Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK) A: What did your last slave die of?
________________________________________ __________ Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA ) A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
________________________________________ __________ Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA ) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
________________________________________ _________ Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
________________________________________ __________ Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA ) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
________________________________________ __________ Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
________________________________________ __________ Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
________________________________________ __________ Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA ) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
________________________________________ __________ Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA ) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
________________________________________ __________ Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
________________________________________ __________ Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France ) A: Only at Christmas.
________________________________________ __________ Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
________________________________________ __________ Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA ) A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
________________________________________ __________ Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
________________________________________ __________ Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK) A: What did your last slave die of?
________________________________________ __________ Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA ) A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
________________________________________ __________ Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA ) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
________________________________________ _________ Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
________________________________________ __________ Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA ) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
________________________________________ __________ Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
________________________________________ __________ Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
________________________________________ __________ Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA ) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
________________________________________ __________ Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA ) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
________________________________________ __________ Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
________________________________________ __________ Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France ) A: Only at Christmas.
________________________________________ __________ Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
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